Ayshah | Victoria

Living my Passion | Living with Purpose | Living in Peace

PERSONAL (Yet Public) LIFE

My Personal life has 2 versions: the personal, yet public version and the personal AND private version. This covers the former.

Contrary to appearances, I am a VERY private person.   When the sun goes down I will not turn the lights on in my house without first closing the curtains.  It drives my husband nuts – but after many, many years of marriage, I should think he is use to it.

The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Honey – don’t turn the lights on yet, the curtains are still open!

HIM: And?

ME: (in a panicky voice…) People can see inside the house because it’s dark outside!!

HIM: (with an exasperated sigh) No they  can’t!

ME: Yes they can!  Go outside and see what happens when I put the lights on with the curtain open. You’ll see how exposed it is.

HIM: Well… there’s nobody out there.

ME: That’s not the point!!

At which stage he grumbles and shakes his head while closing the curtains  – before turning the lights on.

______________________________________________________________________________

You see, I want to be able to sit in my living room, in the privacy of my own home in a very relaxed mode – with curlers in my hair and with or without a dressing gown on if I want. I am in my house! So you bet I want to feel 100% comfortable. And safe.

Many years ago I had a friend who was (for want of a better word), an exhibitionist.  She refused to put curtains on her windows and she lived on a busy street in a European capital city! So when it was dark outside, anyone on the streets could see right in to the living room – and the bedroom!!

When I came into town, she would insist I stay with her and I truly loved her company. We had many a night of fun, either going out dancing or staying in with a bottle of wine. Either way, we were always laughing together. However, I was uncomfortable with the fishbowl living that she enjoyed. I felt exposed and was unnerved by the fact that anyone could stand outside and watch us all night long – if they chose to. She just thought I was paranoid. So maybe I was. I would stand in the living room and look at the faces of people walking by – seeing how many actually looked into the window. I felt so uncomfortable.

So it didn’t surprise me one day when I got a call from her telling me of a terrifying experience she had. Her curtain-less bedroom window looked out onto the back of several other flats – most of which were on a higher elevation than her ground floor flat. Seriously.  No curtains. And my dear friend never liked to wear clothes either. Again – no curtains on the bedroom window plus walking around naked. Oh – and with an open window! Needless to say, she woke up one night to find a man trying to climb in through her window!

While she was telling me this, I tried to hold back my thoughts.  After all, she was actually surprised that this happened. And before you ask, this friend is actually a very intelligent woman.  In my opinion, this is a case of someone who actually prefers to be watched by the outside world – and maybe took this preference to a dangerous level.

Some people like the idea of being watched - I Don't.

Some people like the idea of being watched – I Don’t.

My point in sharing that story is to say that I have nothing at all against people doing what they want in their own lives as long as I am left alone to live my own life. In peace and whenever I choose to, in privacy.  

When I am at home, I am in my private den.  In my den, I nurture loved ones, I meditate, I entertain friends, I work and I write. I also dance like no-one is watching! My privacy is my sanctuary.  This means that the outside world MUST remain outside.

Naturally this does not apply to those who are near and dear to me.  I am a friend and confidant to several amazing people around the world whom I adore. Most of them have known me for years and some are newer bonds.  Either way, these are the people that know me, accept me and most importantly whom I trust – and  you know how scorpios are about loyalty! Anyone who has had a relationship with one knows this only too well. -)

Of course we know that unless I move to some remote village far away from civilization, I cannot escape the fact that the digital world we live in functions based on connections and communication with people and that privacy is something reserved for those who have to make a case for it.  

This preference for privacy in my personal affairs would never make sense to those who crave or need attention. It is very different when you have a choice and you choose to court attention.  Sometimes you have no choice and that is how I grew up.  My circumstances caused me to stand out my whole life. I was always noticed for something or another and I NEVER liked it. I did everything possible to fit in with what my external environment dictated. Who I should be. How I should be.

There was always interest in what I was doing. So one day, when I came to  the conclusion that I can’t seem to blend into the wall I made the decision to step out there and try to accept the unwanted attention. And I did. I realized too that because of a significant part of my purpose – I actually MUST get comfortable with unsolicited attention. Good or bad. However I made sure I developed a formula to ensure that my professional/public world did not interfere with my private self.  My spiritual sanctuary.

Therefore, unlike my professional life which consists of a plethora of interconnections with all kinds of lifestyles and characters, my private life remains mine.  Many assumptions may be made based upon what I choose to share through carefully constructed social media platforms – but  the truth is that I consider social media to be a public place.

For people to be part of my private life  – there is no special key , no access code, no secret handshake. My private life is all about genuine love, acceptance, trust, support, loads of laughter and freedom.  Those who come into it, choose to come into it – freely.  NATURALLY.  This will probably not make sense to most people. And that’s my point.

So what do I share about my private life? The short answer is anything about my social life that you see or have already seen about me online. That’s what I share with strangers.  

A slightly longer answer – I enjoy unpretentious social occasions and host many myself. Privately. I love introducing people to each other, I love cooking and I am happiest when in the company of young children.  My dream locations all have an element of water. I enjoy good wine, I adore authentic Italian, West African and Indian and Thai cuisine. I can spend hours on the dance floor – especially to music from the ’80s and ’90s; I was a major Prince, Madonna, Janet Jackson and Bon Jovi fan in my youth.  Still am.

What else? Well – my husband is a truly incredible man. My mother is one of the strongest, most amazing and inspirational women I know. When my youngest sister was born – I fell madly in love with her. I love sun-tried tomatoes and I am a compulsive giver.

I have also had many traumatic experiences which I only share when it is of use to someone else. That is why my heart is caught up in making a difference in the lives of those affected by rape, child abuse, domestic abuse, stalking, childlessness and those that have experienced any of the other not-so-nice  situations I have survived. 


Hey – thanks for reading this – and by extension, choosing to get to know the real me a little better. If we are not already connected and you feel like saying hello , please do! 🙂

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